Dreams and Regrets

Well it's been 24 hours since I posted that last blog.

Still feeling at bit miffed.

But I'm trying to outdo my anger and devistation etc by dreaming of the lass I want to be with. I know from experience I shouldn't dream as then I wouldn't end up been disappointed.

But what is experience?

To put it one thing I've experienced a lot of things for example...

I know what it's like to be cheated on and lied to, it hurts so badly.

I've had near death experience when I nearly got ran over by a train.

I know what it's like to turn someone down only to regret it later, then try and correct it a few years late only to be turned down myself.

I know what it's like to be dumped and I know what it's like to dump someone, neither are easy.


Life is full of regrets where you wished you done something or your wish you hadn't done that.

One of my main regrets is turning down a girl in high school only to discover it wasn't my friends playing a joke on me. I always wondered what would have happened if I had said yes and had trusted the messenger.

One thing I don't regret is been a kind helpful person who goes out of a way for a friend. I don't regret going out in my car at 10pm at night to search Newcastle to look for a relative of a friend that had gone missing.

I don't regret my dreams as sometimes it's the closest I get to what I really want.

Reasons to be Blue

I don't know where to begin. But I feel like I need to release this before it overwhelms me.

I'm just wondering where I went wrong in my life.

Recently an ex got in touch with me. She asked me to added her on facebook and I though ok she is trying to be friends. So I undeactivated my facebook and looked at her profile to discovered that she was seeing someone the same time she was seeing me, I cannot believe how used I felt. I am devistated about this, I would never consider cheating on someone, but to be found out that I've been cheated on I don't know what to say. I thought it was going to be alright.

When I got with her I was only out a relationship for a month after leaving me last girlfriend as I had a feeling she was cheating me and was only using me because I had money and a car. In the end there was nothing really in comment all we did at the end was go to my house so she could use my internet.

Then before that I was briefly with someone who again cheated on me when she went for a weekend away. Now I'm asking what have I done to deserve shit like this as it has happened twice, possibly 3 times.

All I wanted is a girlfriend who accepts me for who I am and see's past my unusual hobbies of photoing buses and trains. People tell me that I'm such a nice person, helpful and that. But it just doesn't seem to get the girls. I cannot be one of them tough nasty guys who treat their women like shit, it's just not me. They say nice guys finish last and they are right in my opinion.

Sometimes I regretted times I've said no to people, more so in one case. And sometimes I regretted saying yes.


I really wish I could find that cloud with a silver lining.